Dinggin ang Bulong ng Tadhana

Makisabay sa agos ng pagbabago...

Since I was young, I knew I was different. I would rather not classify myself. 'Coz classifying could lead to stereotyping. Loud, bitchy, cross-dresser, parlorista, too feminine... In short, GAY. This stereotype doesn't apply to all. At least, not to me. I'm not that loud. I'm not that bitchy. I never cross-dressed. (Well, I did just for the sake of stage performance.) I'm not feminine and never dreamed of being a parlorista. I don't want to become a girl. I like boys as much as I like girls. "Bisexual" as others would put it. Whatever term you give to it, one thing will always be certain. I'm different.

Being different was never easy. I become "left out" of the group. I sometimes even have to pretend. A life full of pretensions... Fitting in was never a problem if you are a great pretender. I sometimes don't even recognize myself anymore. I may have fooled others but whatever I do, I cannot fool my heart.

People like me are not that different from the "normal" heterosexual Homo Sapiens. We get hungry and eat as much as they do. We can be sensible, funny and fun to be with. We sometimes can even do things better than they could. We feel happy. We feel sad. We laugh. We cry. We get horny... And we fall in love.

If love is hard to find between heterosexuals, imagine how much more in people like me. We love people who can never love us back. Knowing this, we are still so stubborn that we continue to love. To look for love. To hope for love. Plain martyrdom. I wonder why can't they love us back. I mean, we are still humans, aren't we? We can love as much as anybody can love. We can care far better than the opposite sex can. We can make you happy even if it means sacrificing something important to us. Every time I remember the guy I love, I end up with two things. I envy him and I pity myself. 'Coz I come to realize nobody loves me and cares for me as much as I love and care for him.

I became a fan of Gay Indie Films. Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Ang lihim ni Antonio, Sikil, The Love of Siam, Eternal Summer, Lalaki sa Parola, and many more. They depict different sides of people like me. All have different stories to tell. Most of which are true-to-life happenings in the pink world. They have one thing in common though. All ends up with tears. One-sided Love Affair. Is it a trend? Are people like me doomed to a life of eternal pain, tears and hopeless heartbreaks forever? Can someone love me for what I am?

"Sana naging babae nalang ako. Hindi dahil gusto ko, kundi dahil siguro kung naging babae ako, maaari niya na akong mahalin..."

They say true love has no conditions, no boundaries, no limitations, no standards, no preferences. You will be loved for whoever you are and whatever you are. If so, why then can't they love people like me? It seems that they are not capable of True Love after all.

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Diwata
Philippines
Sino nga ba ang Diwata? Walang nakaaalam... Walang nakakikilala... Maging ako, hindi alam kung sino siya.
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